This is inspired by a
thought catalog article shared to me by one of my friends.
--
When your greatest hangup beats you to save the date
Nothing will ever prepare you for the emotions that come pouring in from knowing that the person whom you loved the most is about to get married.
[The calm before the storm]
The initial feeling may be very peaceful, like a breath of fresh air knowing that she's happily treading through life with someone she loves. But brace yourself because this feeling is as temporary as the recent political scandals in the Philippines.
[Heartbreak all over again]
When things sink in, you'll initially feel a bit of a sting. A tiny but significant cut inside your heart that leaves an open wound. That "someone" she's with, who you probably considered a friend, becomes someone you barely know, until he becomes someone you don't like at all: the epitome of someone you're not because she chose him and not you.
You'll try to ignore the feeling and fail, of course, because every cell in your body is protesting against the thought of her spending the rest of her life with someone else. You'll rationalize that all those years of moving on and being clinically insane have guarded your heart and taught you to be strong and resilient. You'll bang your head against the wall because, by now, you should have already moved on... You should have, but you didn't. After countless nights of meditating and analyzing love and life, you disappointingly find yourself back to square one. Like you learned nothing at all. And that's how probably love is: the more you know, the less you understand.
You won't expect anyone to get what you're going through. Your family might not even know she's getting married. You'll try to tell your friends but many won't understand. Some will try to console you. Some will laugh at you or with you. Sometimes you will break down and cry in front of them and you'll feel they are but spectators; only curious, nothing more. You're very fortunate if a handful can make you feel better. And there will be that one friend who'll almost understand what you're going through. He or she, along with the handful, will be your sanity.
[When will it ever stop]
And after the perennial moving on drama from the time she was engaged, you'll find yourself in another predicament, or rather a milestone.. The Wedding Day. You thought that what you felt was a fluke, a freak of nature, but little did you know, nothing has prepared you for arguably the most miserable day of your life yet.
You know when and where it will happen, but you won't do anything. It's the point in time when your point became pointless. When you've already reconciled with yourself that you and her are never gonna happen.
You thought the experience of every cell in your body protesting was bad enough, now every square inch of your humanity is fighting for freedom. Shackled by chains of despair inflicted by no one but yourself. You want to do something.. Probably something crazy in both celebration and protest to the birth of a new beginning: her new life where you can't do anything about it anymore, at least not legally and Godly.
[It's beyond reasonable doubt]
You'll sing to the melody of your favorite song because somebody almost owns her now, and you'll try to live somehow; make peace and just accept.. That's Life and Not Love. You'll probably arrive at the most logical conclusion: this is nothing but a mental disorder.
Finally, from this meandering experience, you'll crack a half smile from one life-changing epiphany: the only person who truly understands you is a
stranger who blogs a gazilion miles away. All of a sudden, life is "normal" again. :)
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| courtesy of xkcd.com |
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