Perspective. Just do what you love.

An affirmation 

I had a chance to meet a friend of a friend who affirmed my passion and encouraged me to live life; it is comforting. I think the problem with me is when I decide on something, I do it immediately and do not think much of the consequences; I'm spontaneous like that. Not even sure if it's really a problem; most of the time it works for me, but sometimes, I hurt people along the way.

God has weird sense of humor  

Life has a funny way of telling you she's there, if it's God who does that, I'd like to understand more about his sense of humor because as much as what happened to me was painful, it's also ridiculously funny when I think about it.

For a while, I got lost in my comfort zone; I have a good job, made plans, I saved, I invested. For several years, it is as if life is going according to way I planned it to be. I thought I had a clear understanding of where I was and where I wanted to be (well for the most part) until an unfortunate event happened. Life, as I knew it, became meaningless.

When my savings got almost wiped out, I thought to myself, wow.. just like that, years of hard work were zapped in less than a month. Worse, I didn't spend it on myself, or on someone I love.. I spent it on someone who I hated almost my entire conscious life.

Take me back to the start 

Today, I feel that I just want to travel for a while, get lost, and hopefully be found again. My plans are ruined anyway, so what else am I to do but just adapt to the situation. Several times, I don't know whether to cry or to laugh at what life has given me; it is the kind that can make you snap and lose touch of reality. We have different ways of coping, but the important thing is we do cope eventually and move on with our life.

Anyway, I love good food and adding culture to my personality, so I bet mingling with different races will be a win-win situation for me. Plus, I may not have the chance to do this in the future. I'm 28, and everyone around me is either getting married or having children. But instead of being pressured to settle down, I'll do the opposite. I'm going to do just whatever the hell I like. This is my way of suicide.

A song playing in my head right now is Scientist by Coldplay.. specifically the line "Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it will be this hard.. so take me back to the start". I just want to go back to the start when everything was simple. I know the line was taken out of context, haha!