Mar 19, 2012

I miss the time when...

Posted Mar 19, 2012

...I wrote whatever's on my mind. Everything was simple then, no overly complicated scenarios, well there were circumstances, but they didn't stop me from blogging my thoughts. I miss the naive me of writing everything; I was unafraid of what people might gonna think. I even wrote about my first real break-up in my public blog, and I remember my colleague telling me "dude, why did you write that, are you insensitive?" or something like that in Tagalog, and my reaction was, "umm I don't know, I just felt it so I wrote it down." I was like Abed in the TV series Community and I think I, too, have case of Asperger's but a milder version of it, either that or I might just be hypochondriac LOL.

I entered into a phase of hiding things; I started to care more about my image, which is not really that great to begin with anyway, so I don't know what drove me into that state of mind. I even deleted my Yahoo 360, Multiply, Facebook accounts, and made a lot of excuses about how unproductive they were, although it helped me spend less time on the net.. until someone taught me to tweet. And for those who don't know about Yahoo 360... naah forget it.  Anyway, it's not the real reason I deleted them, I just wanted to hide and forget but then I realized my life doesn't work that way; I can throw everything away and hide as much as I can, but there's no off switch to hide things from myself or a shredder to disconnect those neurons and magically forget things, especially those that matter.

A good friend shared me an old blog of mine, which I thought I included in the list of "Things to delete", apparently I didn't. Reading it was weird, very weird, because it felt like a whole new other person writing those entries. I thought "I was this passionate about writing, about loving, about life, about God?" And now I have 3 types of blog: Public, Protected and Private, and I have more than one blog for each type, crazy! To think I don't even write that often.

Before, I was too young to care, now that I'm getting old, I'm relearning to not dwell on what people think about me because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter; family will be there for you and true friends will support you and occasionally wake you up when you're having a real-life nightmare.

Sometimes, God has a funny way of reminding us about Him. I believe this is for the better and just when I thought I knew everything, I'm back to square one. Realized that finding yourself or knowing more about yourself is not a phase, it's a life-long journey and my narcissistic self is excited to learn more!

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